If It Makes You Happy

but you still have to wake up with it

There’s a line in that song that always sticks.

If it makes you happy
it can’t be that bad

And I get it.
I really do.

Because most of what shapes a life doesn’t look like a decision.
It looks like a small permission.

Another cup of coffee
because you didn’t sleep enough

A cigarette
because the day already feels like it’s asking too much

Ordering food
because the version of you that cooks
feels like someone else right now

You tell yourself it’s nothing.
Just today.
Just this once.
Just getting through it.

And most of the time
it does make you feel better.

That’s the part no one argues with.

The coffee works.
The smoke settles something.
The sun on your skin slows everything down.
Staying up late feels like stealing time back from a day that took too much.

There’s relief in it.
Real relief.

But the thing about relief
is it doesn’t stay where you use it.

It moves.

It shows up the next morning
when the alarm feels heavier than it should

It shows up in the way your focus slips
just enough to push things off again

It shows up in the quiet math of your life
where everything starts costing a little more energy than you have

And now you need another coffee
to cover the night before

Another shortcut
to cover the delay

Another small permission
to keep the whole thing moving

That’s how it stacks.

Not dramatically.
Not all at once.

Just enough
that the version of you you keep picturing
never quite gets a clean shot at existing.

Because they need a different starting point than the one you keep handing them.

Not a perfect day.
Just a slightly cleaner one.

One where the dominoes don’t lean so hard
before they even start to fall.

Most people don’t ruin their lives with big decisions.
They build them
or drift from them
with things that made sense in the moment.

Things that helped.
Things that worked.

That’s why it’s hard to look at.

Because none of it feels wrong.

It just… accumulates.

And eventually
you’re not choosing your life anymore

you’re maintaining a pattern
that was built to get you through
not to take you anywhere

There’s nothing wrong with wanting relief.

But it helps to notice
what it’s quietly replacing

and what it’s quietly postponing

because those are not the same thing

even if they feel like it in the moment

If it makes you happy
it can’t be that bad

maybe

but it’s still worth asking

what it’s costing you
tomorrow

// Scorpio Veil