You Know Exactly What You’re Not Doing
It’s that split second right before you commit
I went skateboarding yesterday.
Board felt weird for a second.
Set it down. One foot on. One off.
Paused.
That didn’t used to be there.
First push slow.
Second better.
Third one it started to come back a little.
Not good. Just… moving again.
Few people there.
One guy on a ledge. Same thing. Miss. Reset. Again.
Another kid rolling back and forth. Not trying anything yet.
I knew what that was.
Told myself I’d try something easy.
Something I used to have.
Set my feet.
Looked down. Adjusted.
Looked up.
Waited.
Still didn’t feel right.
Waited again.
Tried it anyway.
Half of it.
Board barely came up. Front foot late. Back foot already off.
That middle version.
Didn’t really try. Didn’t get it either.
That’s the worst one.
Rolled away slow.
Like it wouldn’t count if I didn’t rush it.
No one said anything.
No one cared.
That made it worse.
Second try.
Same setup.
Same feeling right before.
Sits there for a second.
You really doing this right now?
That thought wasn’t there before.
Third try.
Didn’t fix my feet.
Didn’t wait.
Just went.
Board snapped up quick.
Feet missed. Kicked out hard. Shot forward. Loud on the concrete.
Came down straight on my heel.
Sharp. Up the leg before I even reacted.
Someone looked over.
Then back to their own thing.
Stood there a second.
Heart up more than it should be.
Felt it.
That line.
Either I dial it back.
Keep it small. Just roll. Stay where I know I’m fine.
Or keep going like that.
That’s it.
Most people don’t quit.
They just stop doing the part where it could go wrong.
You get older.
More aware.
You don’t want to look off.
Or fall weird.
Or have it get away from you in front of people.
So you keep it low.
Nothing loud.
Nothing that gets away from you.
But you know.
You know when you didn’t go for it.
There’s a line in Lose Yourself people treat like pressure.
One shot. One moment.
It’s not that.
It’s that second right before.
I didn’t leave.
Picked the board back up.
Same spot.
Again.
Missed.
Again.
Closer.
Again.
Still off.
Didn’t fix it.
Didn’t clean it up.
Just kept going.
One felt right for a second.
Didn’t land it.
Didn’t matter.
That part came back.
Not controlling it mid-try.
If you’ve been feeling stuck, it’s not confusion.
You keep stopping right there.
Waiting for it to feel right.
Or look right.
It won’t.
It’s going to look a little off.
A little obvious.
Someone might notice.
Do it anyway.
I went skateboarding yesterday.
And the only thing that came back
was not pulling away at the last second.
You already know where that is
// Scorpio Veil
If this brought something up for you and you want to work through it privately, I have sessions open.
There’s a free 20-minute inquiry call if you have questions, or a 60-minute Scorpio Veil Session if you’re ready.
Amazing. From a systems theory perspective, the avoidance of action is a high-entropy state. We consume massive amounts of internal energy just to maintain a static equilibrium, avoiding the 'work' required for a necessary phase transition. As I’ve explored in my critiques of modern social structures, when a system (personal or collective) perceives a shrinkage of resources, it tends to self-constrain. We pretend we don't know the way as a defense mechanism against the metabolic cost of real change.
I’m no longer scared now, I’m free as a bird, silencing critics at 33 and a third.